I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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