he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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