I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
