after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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