I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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