We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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