Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
