just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
