I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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