I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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