So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
