Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
