ya dads aren't the best wingmen
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
