Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
