I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize