i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
COCAINE IS GR8
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
