Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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