So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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