the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
