so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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