Whod you bang
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
