I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
