Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
