Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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