Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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