I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
