Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize