yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
