What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
