I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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