2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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