She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
