My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
