I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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