Just fell off a train. Bad.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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