worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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