Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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