It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
