you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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