i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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