Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
