I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
