Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
