I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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