I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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