I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no you cant smoke seaweed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
