I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
