Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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