Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
