life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
