break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
