in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
