I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
