Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
