I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
