I want to stick my p in your. b.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
