I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
