i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
