I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
