hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
