My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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