i jhust puked up my retainher.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
