No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
