All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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