dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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