Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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