literally had 100 drinks last night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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