Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
