69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
