he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
