He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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