It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
