I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
