dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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