thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
vagina is talking i cant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
