I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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