I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
