I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
