i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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