Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
