All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
