My underwear smells like fireworks.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
