1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I CAN MOONWALK!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
