Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
